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"An honourable, obstinate, truthful, high-spirited, intensely prejudiced, perfectly unreasonable man."

The Boleyn Inheritance

The Boleyn Inheritance  - Philippa Gregory This book was absolutely amazing. Don't get me wrong; I loved it. The progression of the story wasn't too fast or too slow, it went at an accurately moderate pace. The plot-line was amazing and the dialogue suited the characters' personality traits. After doing further research I found that Jane Boleyn actually was pronounced insane (I had to do some research as I find that Philippa Gregory does seem to take a few liberties when it comes to Historical fiction─which is completely understandable of course; as it is Historical fiction). But the characters were all so... annoying. I love Philippa Gregory and I know she likes portraying the characters as they are/depicted by many Historians. But damn, she did a good job at showing that Katherine Howard and Jayne Boleyn were such complete tools. I made a note on how I feel about these characters being complete tools, which can be found here: Snarknotes: The Extended Version (IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED THEN PLEASE DON'T READ ON. OR KEEP READING. I FRANKLY DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS) Why are all these people such tools? All Katherine's meant to do is seduce the king but she's a fucking child who can't even hold her own two feet let alone get a grimy, fat, old, gritty 40 year old man into her bed. Why would any teenager want that, anyhow? That's like... Really disgusting. I mean, forgive my judgmental ways but I am judging her. And then she becomes Queen and becomes even more annoying? Like wtf. You're Queen, go do what Queens are supposed to. And then she takes Thomas Culpepper as a lover (Which, I don't blame her for; he was totally attractive) but then this idiot takes in Dereham (Who was her lover before she arrived at court) in as her secretary. I mean, of course people are going to start suspecting shit: YOU JUST TOOK IN YOUR EX-LOVER AS YOUR SECRETARY YOU BIMBO. So what if your Gramma told you to do so? If your grandmother told you to jump off a cliff would you do it? No wonder Henry wanted to get rid of her. It wasn't because she had an affair with Thomas Culpepper, or for the fact that she wasn't a virgin when she married him; it was because she was fucking annoying. Now let's talk about Jane for a bit. What the fuck is her purpose at court? Is she just there to spy on Katherine (whose also there spying on Anne) and Anne? Or is she just a way for Philippa to fill up pages? Let's talk about their uncle for a bit. He's like the ultimate tools. He's just there controlling these two women who are in turn controlling other people to do their bidding. One's trying to seduce men into her bed, most notably the King; and the other's being forced to get dirt on Anne. And then this girl thinks her husband's actually going to let her get married. I mean c'mon, you caused your own husband and sister-in-law to lose their heads. You can't possible expect anyone would want to marry you after that. Even if they were blind, deaf and ugly. I'm sorry, but girl; I understand that you were forced into it, and I understand that you actually didn't have a choice and I'mma let you finish but damn girl you stupid. And then this bitch goes batshit crazy from the time she's imprisoned at the Tower to the three seconds before she loses her head. Now, Anne. I feel so bad for this girl you have no idea. She's just there, cruising along, trying to live a happy life away from her total d-bag of a brother who makes Katherine and Jane's uncle look like the Angel Gabriel. And now she has this hormonal teenager trying to steal her husband away from her and this 30 something year old whose brother was beheaded for treason and incest, and let's not forget her husband's a complete douchebag who refuses to sleep with her because she's 'ugly.' Oh, that reminds me: she's also married to the grimy, fat, old, gritty 40 something year old windpipe the hormonal teenager is meant to seduce. And then she loses her married and her husband (but she was happy about it any way). But my love didn't grow for her until after her marriage was annulled and King Henry came to tell her he was remarried. For a moment she was sad, but only because he had come with news of her mother's death. And then he's all like, 'naw b, your ma ain't dead. But here's the thing. I'm remarried.' And this badass motherfucker's just like 'my ma ain't dead? then why you here fo' fool?!' and King Henry's just like 'because it should sadden you to think I've found another.' and Anne's just like 'bitch plz, you think i'd be sad that─I mean. yes. I am so sad. You can leave me now. To wallow in my sadness. In this large-ass house/mansion/castle your dumbass gave me. bye.' And then she turned out to be so compassionate and loving, she still wanted Katherine to know that they could be friends even though she stole her crown, her husband and her kingdom. But then when she got word that Henry might take her back as a wife she was like 'AW HELL NAH. I AIN'T GOIN BACK TO HIM. SHA NEY NEY HOLD MY EARINGS WHILE I GO THANK DA LAWD THAT THIS BITCH DIVORCED ME. KATHERINE GURL, I LUV U. AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT YOU ON YOUR OWN QURL.' . And after King Henry's death she's all like 'GOD BLESS MY MOTHER FUCKING SOUL I AM FREEEEE. THERE AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN HIIIIIIGH ENOUGH. #HATERSGONNAHATE #POTATOESGONNAPOTATE #MOTHERFUCKERIMFREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. KPEACEY'ALL.' Anne of Cleves was such a badass, I love her.Um, k.I think that's it.Go to bookstore, buy book, read book.