Book On The Move

I really don't know what to say about this book. So let's start with a short story. One day, I was sitting in my room with my laptop. It was hot, and sweaty─mostly because my laptop was heating up and burning through my lap. I opened 'Google Chrome' because that's how I roll, and I typed in the URL 'www.youtube.com.' "I wonder what's trending today," I thought. And when I got to my YouTube dashboard, I found under the 'trending' section 'The White Queen' trailer. I was shocked, and surprised; I didn't know this was happening! And of course, I had to click on it. And whilst watching it, I realized that my Max Irons was to star as Edward IV of England. And of course, that was what caught my eye and motivated me to watch this episode. So I quickly streamed the episode, and there he was: my King of England, all brain and brawn and ready to take anyone by storm and fuck them senseless seize their land. And after watching his many amazing sex scenes hearing his amazing dialogue riddled with intellect and passion, I was motivated to pick this book up and read it. I had already owned the book (As I'm a History junkie and will read anything that has to do with the English/Russian/French court). And so, the minute I was done with the first episode of the series─and after I was done fangirling about it with my good friend on Twitter and posting many tweets expressing my sexual desire love for Max Irons─I began reading this book. I zoomed through the first 300 pages of this book or so. It was riveting, it was to the point, it kept my attention (which is actually rather difficult to do these days as I have the attention span of a fruit-fly), and most of all it kept faith to most of the knowledge I had regarding Elizabeth Woodville and Edward IV. (And no, I did not search him up because I thought he would be as hot as Max Irons, okay; I'm not that shallow). I was already accustomed to Philippa Gregory's bending of the facts and manipulating a character's history in any way she see fit. However, I won't get into the History vs. Historical Fiction debate today─I'm already sick and tired of debates from all the nature vs nurture discussions we'd have in Sociology class. So, I will criticize this as it is: a book. The characters were well formed, it was clear whom History liked and whom History despised─as decided by the popular opinion. Elizabeth Woodville is traditionally demonized by society as a Queen, so I can see why Philippa would decide to make it seem as if she truly was a witch, or 'descendant of Melusina' as Elizabeth and her mother would say. So, the first two-hundred pages of the novel make it seem as if Elizabeth is this kickass Queen, but afterwards she turns into this annoying little shit hell bent on retrieving the throne that was 'taken from her' and should belong to her son. (I guess once you have the throne there ain't no going back). And after she becomes this maniacal batshit crazy bitch dowager Queen riddled with revenge, her daughter Elizabeth takes her place as the kickass. She's this sassy little angsty teenager who thinks she's ready to handle adult business (as all teenagers think they are) and her mother's just 'no, elizabeth. go to your room.' But at some point it seems that Elizabeth Woodville has lost all rationality, and then her daughter emerges with the most rational and logical of ideas and Ms. Woodville being the proud asshat woman that she is, can't take that. And so, that was an interesting tension to see rise and escalate really quickly.But towards the end this novel got extremely weird, and super boring. It all went from talks of war to letter-writing between Elizabeth Woodville and Margaret Beufort, regarding the bethrotal between Margaret's son Henry Tudor (No, not Henry VIII) and Elizabeth's daughter Elizabeth of York. And honestly, I could care less about these letters because obviously we all know what happens at the end. So reading Elizabeth's thoughts and predictions about Henry's death really didn't spark any interest in me─but I suppose that's my fault for being the History junkie that I am. Another thing that bugged me about this novel was how... incest-y it got towards the end. So Elizabeth Woodville's brother-in-law Richard, Duke of Gloucester takes over Kingship after Edward IV's death (Oh, don't act like it's a spoiler, we've all seen the Tudors) and Elizabeth's daughter Elizabeth of York goes to court as Queen Anne's lady-in-waiting. And then Elizabeth and her daughter begin talking about how Richard is in love with Elizabeth of York, and how Elizabeth of York requites his love for her. And that really scared me. Because A) they're 20 years apart, and B)he's her fucking uncle... He's seen her diapers changed, breast fed, naked countless times as a child and bathed. I know interfamily marriage wasn't uncommon in that time, but the age gap really bothered me. I mean, if they were cousins then it wouldn't have bothered me that much because cousins marrying each other was absolutely normal─and even preferred─but it was the fact that he was her uncle... Okay, that was the only judgement I had to make throughout the entire book, so I guess that's a plus. The last thing that bothered me about this book, (As stated by many other reviewers) is the fact that everyone's named Elizabeth, Margaret, Edward or Richard. That was really fucking confusing. At one point I thought Elizabeth was talking about her son when in fact she was talking about her husband (which made me sigh with relieve as she was talking about the sexual desires she was having that involved her husband). I think if the family tree at the beginning of the novel was a tad more extensive this problem could have been prevented.But all in all, I'd recommend this book for anyone whose tired of reading 300 year old History textbooks that smell like death and vanilla─as it is a pretty quick and light read─or anyone who has taken a liking/wishes to take a liking to the show, and would can't wait for the next episode to see/find out if Max Irons has anymore hot sex scenes what happens to the Throne of England.

My dream job would be getting to test all these amazing windowseats! *sigh*

I re-read this book last night (in order to be well-equipped for the Gatsby Garden Party I will be attending this Sunday) and (not only came up with something smart to say in this review at last but) had a few revelations. This book really stuck with me because I developed a very special relationship with the text itself. I realize how shallow I was when I first read it. This book isn't about love. It's about the idea of being in love. As in, Gatsby isn't in love with Daisy. He's in love with the idea of loving Daisy. He doesn't want to form a relationship with Daisy either. He has this imaginary perception on how he wants their relationship to work out─the way it was when they had first met. Gatsby doesn't want a new relationship with Daisy, no. He wants to re-create the relationship he's formed with her in his mind, and put it into real-time. Yes, Gatsby wants to love Daisy, but he also wants to turn back the time to when he did love Daisy. He wants that love and wishes to recreate it, and he's been living through that relationship in his mind all his life to the point where he isn't in love with Daisy anymore─as she's a completely shallow, money loving trophy wife─he's merely in love with the idea of Daisy, with the idea of loving Daisy, with the idea of loving one so shallow and vain. Tom isn't in love with Daisy either. He's in love with the idea of having a wife. He's in love with the idea of a 'trophy wife.' Just as Nick isn't in (platonic) love with Gatsby either, he's in love with the idea of recreating yourself, the idea of simply choosing a new identity and living a life based on the connotations that identity is given by society, by yourself, and by the entire human race. That's why this book stuck with me. See, in order to love the Great Gatsby you have to be in love with the text, the prose and especially the messages and hints behind the text. I suppose. But Fitzgerald's true message is hid in the last lines of the book (Or so I perceived it):

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter—to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And one fine morning——
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Part of Review where reviewer rambles on about nonsensical things 

I guess the reason as to why people may hate this book is because they had to analyze it at school, or something along the lines of that. Fortunately, I live in Canada and here we focused on 'Canadian Literature,' so I particularly enjoyed this. Although, I wish we did studies on American Literature here too, American literature is so much cooler than Canadian Literature. (But that's just my opinion). 

Part of review where the reviewer can't think of a proper way to end the review 

WELL. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GO TO BOOKSTORE. BUY BOOK. OPEN BOOK. READ BOOK. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Tender is the Night brings to life a man named Dick Diver, and a large cast of characters. Filled with lush language as always, this is another one of Fitzgerald's great works─unfortunately not one he is remembered for. BUT ANYWAYS WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?GO TO BOOKSTORE.BUY THE DAMN BOOK.READ THE DAMN BOOK.THANK ME FOR MAKING YOU READ THE BOOK.

A story set in a near-distant dystopian future where a totalitarian Christian government has taken over and taken away all of women's rights (or so I understood). It follows the idea that sex is only for reproduction and when wives are unable to reproduce they are assigned a "handmaid" who produce for them - as a large portion of the population has gone sterile (including men, however the women are blamed and punished for this). 

Our narrator is a Handmaid, Offred (Literally Of-fred). In this society a Handmaid takes on the name "of" followed by the name of the patron figure of the household they are assigned to. Her real name is never disclosed, however hints it to being "June." At first, Offred is a very apathetic narrator. She simply does not care about the present and makes lots of references to the life she lived before she became a handmaid. She also refers to the words of "Aunt Lydia" - a member of an agency which teaches women to be Handmaids - quite a lot. We learn a lot about the world from Offred - such as the singing of public domain songs is forbidden, that she had a brief affair with a man named Luke before he divorced his wife and marrying her - however she focuses on details a lot. Why does she focus on details? She focuses on details in her narration as a coping mechanism; she wants her old life back but there is absolutely no way of that happening. She hates the life she leads now and loses herself in the immense detail of her surroundings to escape the reality she's living. Throughout the entire novel she thinks about Luke, she tells us how she and Luke attempted to leave the country using fake identity and papers but they were subdued - which is how she came to be a handmaid. However she's so lost in the thought of Luke and her past to the point where when the driver of the household she's assigned to makes a sexual advance on her she deludes herself into believe that she's kissing Luke in the body of Nick (the driver). She sometimes even tries to convince herself that Luke is still alive and will come to rescue her, even though this completely contradicts her suspicion of Luke having been shot upon their attempt to leave the country. But as all dystopian novels go, there is always a conspiracy to discover. And of course Offred discovers them - and you can see where all this goes. But this novel is different, it doesn't end like all of them do, the last 100 pages are completely unexpected of a dystopian novel. But they are beautiful, as are the rest of the pages in this book.

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Purchase The Handmaid's Tale!

So true. So far my tbr for vacation is over 20 books long. :D

This book was absolutely amazing. Don't get me wrong; I loved it. The progression of the story wasn't too fast or too slow, it went at an accurately moderate pace. The plot-line was amazing and the dialogue suited the characters' personality traits. After doing further research I found that Jane Boleyn actually was pronounced insane (I had to do some research as I find that Philippa Gregory does seem to take a few liberties when it comes to Historical fiction─which is completely understandable of course; as it is Historical fiction). But the characters were all so... annoying. I love Philippa Gregory and I know she likes portraying the characters as they are/depicted by many Historians. But damn, she did a good job at showing that Katherine Howard and Jayne Boleyn were such complete tools. I made a note on how I feel about these characters being complete tools, which can be found here: Snarknotes: The Extended Version (IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED THEN PLEASE DON'T READ ON. OR KEEP READING. I FRANKLY DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS) Why are all these people such tools? All Katherine's meant to do is seduce the king but she's a fucking child who can't even hold her own two feet let alone get a grimy, fat, old, gritty 40 year old man into her bed. Why would any teenager want that, anyhow? That's like... Really disgusting. I mean, forgive my judgmental ways but I am judging her. And then she becomes Queen and becomes even more annoying? Like wtf. You're Queen, go do what Queens are supposed to. And then she takes Thomas Culpepper as a lover (Which, I don't blame her for; he was totally attractive) but then this idiot takes in Dereham (Who was her lover before she arrived at court) in as her secretary. I mean, of course people are going to start suspecting shit: YOU JUST TOOK IN YOUR EX-LOVER AS YOUR SECRETARY YOU BIMBO. So what if your Gramma told you to do so? If your grandmother told you to jump off a cliff would you do it? No wonder Henry wanted to get rid of her. It wasn't because she had an affair with Thomas Culpepper, or for the fact that she wasn't a virgin when she married him; it was because she was fucking annoying. Now let's talk about Jane for a bit. What the fuck is her purpose at court? Is she just there to spy on Katherine (whose also there spying on Anne) and Anne? Or is she just a way for Philippa to fill up pages? Let's talk about their uncle for a bit. He's like the ultimate tools. He's just there controlling these two women who are in turn controlling other people to do their bidding. One's trying to seduce men into her bed, most notably the King; and the other's being forced to get dirt on Anne. And then this girl thinks her husband's actually going to let her get married. I mean c'mon, you caused your own husband and sister-in-law to lose their heads. You can't possible expect anyone would want to marry you after that. Even if they were blind, deaf and ugly. I'm sorry, but girl; I understand that you were forced into it, and I understand that you actually didn't have a choice and I'mma let you finish but damn girl you stupid. And then this bitch goes batshit crazy from the time she's imprisoned at the Tower to the three seconds before she loses her head. Now, Anne. I feel so bad for this girl you have no idea. She's just there, cruising along, trying to live a happy life away from her total d-bag of a brother who makes Katherine and Jane's uncle look like the Angel Gabriel. And now she has this hormonal teenager trying to steal her husband away from her and this 30 something year old whose brother was beheaded for treason and incest, and let's not forget her husband's a complete douchebag who refuses to sleep with her because she's 'ugly.' Oh, that reminds me: she's also married to the grimy, fat, old, gritty 40 something year old windpipe the hormonal teenager is meant to seduce. And then she loses her married and her husband (but she was happy about it any way). But my love didn't grow for her until after her marriage was annulled and King Henry came to tell her he was remarried. For a moment she was sad, but only because he had come with news of her mother's death. And then he's all like, 'naw b, your ma ain't dead. But here's the thing. I'm remarried.' And this badass motherfucker's just like 'my ma ain't dead? then why you here fo' fool?!' and King Henry's just like 'because it should sadden you to think I've found another.' and Anne's just like 'bitch plz, you think i'd be sad that─I mean. yes. I am so sad. You can leave me now. To wallow in my sadness. In this large-ass house/mansion/castle your dumbass gave me. bye.' And then she turned out to be so compassionate and loving, she still wanted Katherine to know that they could be friends even though she stole her crown, her husband and her kingdom. But then when she got word that Henry might take her back as a wife she was like 'AW HELL NAH. I AIN'T GOIN BACK TO HIM. SHA NEY NEY HOLD MY EARINGS WHILE I GO THANK DA LAWD THAT THIS BITCH DIVORCED ME. KATHERINE GURL, I LUV U. AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT YOU ON YOUR OWN QURL.' . And after King Henry's death she's all like 'GOD BLESS MY MOTHER FUCKING SOUL I AM FREEEEE. THERE AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN HIIIIIIGH ENOUGH. #HATERSGONNAHATE #POTATOESGONNAPOTATE #MOTHERFUCKERIMFREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. KPEACEY'ALL.' Anne of Cleves was such a badass, I love her.Um, k.I think that's it.Go to bookstore, buy book, read book.

A cute story about a girl so immersed in the world of her favourite book that she can't even deal with the reality that is her university life─story of most of our lives, right? Cather is obsessed with Simon Snow, which is basically a spoof of Harry Potter─even though they make a reference to Harry Potter at some point in the story, I guess it's a parallel─she writes Fan-Fiction and is the critically acclaimed (by the internet) writer of the popular Carry On, Simon Fan-Fiction. But when she enters University she finds that she can't constantly escape reality by delving into the world of Fandoms. Things get even worse when her twin sister Wren (Get it? Cather-Wren?) decides not to room with her, leaving her to fend for herself. But Cather soon learns to adapt to her new environment and observe the species known as humans which surround her on a daily basis with the help of her roommate Reagan.---What I really like about this─despite all the stereotypical fangirl traits that Rowell tries to shove into this novel─is the fact that Cather is genuine and adorable. In the first scene she walks in on who she thinks is her roommate's boyfriend and she's all like "A boy? What is this magnificent creature? Can I observe it?" and later when she's contemplating the thought of actually having a significant other she goes into full panic mode and goes all "A boy? I don't know what to do with a boy... How often do you have to play with it? Do you have to feed it? Do you need to take it out for a ride?" Forget drugs and sex, even kissing is a big deal for this girl. Yes, she's the stereotypical fangirl and Rowell spared no detail in trying to establish that fact, but sometimes you just need to set that aside and enjoy a cutesy story for once. But, even though I like Cather, I did not like any one in this story more than I loved her roommate Reagan. She's witty, and funny and completely straight up. She makes snide comments that just make your day; but most of all, she can put up with your shit even if its completely ridiculous (I mean seriously, Cather has an entire collection of Simon Snow paraphernalia)─exactly the kind of roommate I want in University. I guess this novel doesn't really affect a small demographic, I mean; we all have a bit of a fangirl inside of us, don't we? Imagine this story as the story of your life─and Rainbow Rowell merely added in the collective traits of every single fan-of-something out there and made it into a quirky, adorable character. And that is awesome! P.S. If this isn't what my life in University turns out to be like I will be angry.

Great novel, excellent plot progression, magnificent writing style! Just because I only gave it 3 stars doesn't mean I didn't like it. On the contrary, I actually particularly enjoyed this book. It was a break from all the classics, ya and adult novels I've been reading this year. Even though thrillers aren't really my cup of tea I must admit Robert Bloch definitely had a knack for drawing the reader in and keeping their attention--but I didn't like how everything was just explained at the end. Even though the ending creeped me out... Like srsly, I'm going to have nightmares tonight...

Anne and Mary Boleyn are most definitely my favourite people to read about in history--other than King Henry VIII himself, of course. And this novel definitely does those two women justice, as well as their family. Don't let uptight history maniacs people tell you any different. The progression of things is just as moderately paced as it should be, the plot unfolds quite nicely─going from Mary's rise to Anne's rise. (Although Anne's fall is quite hilarious her rise to insanity isn't... I lied, it's absolutely hilarious the way this woman goes insane). The rivalry between Mary and Anne is portrayed in a fashion that is most satisfying. I also liked the subplot with George Boleyn. I wish we saw some of the other members of the Court more though, Mary Tudor and Charles Brandon─The Duke of Suffolk, and Cardinal Wolsey. But the writing is beautiful and compelling nonetheless, Philippa Gregory will have you hanging at every sentence. On another note, every time I begin to ship two characters Philippa feels the need to kill off one of them. Mary/Carey, George/Francis and Mary/Stafford for life ♥.

I don't see the hype.

I'm so trying these.

I liked this book way more than I thought I would.It's mysterious, not-at-all predictable. The entire concept of "Godspeed" is well played and well-thought-out. But my brain hurts.Review to come.

This series is my guilty pleasure.